Mom and Dad

I made this page specifically because I will occasionally mention some things about my childhood that are sensitive. I would feel bad if I did not make sure that something was understood, and – knowing how time and memory work – I am going to link to it every time that I am mentioning the negative bits of my childhood.

If you are not my Mother or my Father, you are still welcome to read it, but you should know that it does not apply to you. If it helps you understand me – or any other person that had a rocky childhood – then awesome, but remember that this is a pretty personal thing. I don’t think it is private, but I don’t think I should call it public, either. Whatever. I no longer believe in being secretive about where major psychological structures in my head come from. But you might not want to bring this stuff up with me unless we are with a small group of people that we both know well – and a moderate amount of alcohol is available.

If you are my Mother or my Father, you should know that I might occasionally change this page to be more eloquent, or more sensitive, or more specific. But nothing at all will change in the spirit of this page.

Without further ado:

1) I didn’t always react well, and you didn’t always act well.

2) It is all in the past, so let’s keep fucking moving forward. You are my parents and I am your child.

3) We are all adults. Let’s act like it.

4) I’ve given you apologies and you’ve given me apologies, and we’ve given each other forgiveness. Let’s act like it.

5) Let’s listen to each other, support each other, and keep moving forward. We will not be able to effectively move forward if we are consumed by guilt or shame or some other emotionally paralyzing condition.

6) Whatever page is linking to this, I have linked to this page (obviously), which means that I put thought in to what I should be saying. I promise to take seriously any request to have it redacted or taken down, but only if you promise to accept my answer, even if that answer is a ‘no’ answer.

7) I’ll do my best not to have too much personally identifiable info, or any info that can lead someone to you. But seriously, I have a unique last name that I am not ashamed of. It’s gonna happen if someone wants it to happen.

8) I know that I might have linked to this page from a post or page that basically says “my parents were bad in this way and I plan to not be” – please don’t take this as a ‘harping’ on something or a personal attack. I am trying to deal with my past as much as you are. Being afraid to speak about my past is something that only gives my past more power over me.

9) Any post that is on this website is something that has probably been stewing around for months in my head. There are very few sentences on this website that did not see a major edit at some point or another. Because I do not put things on my website lightly, please understand that writing on this website is almost a sort of therapy for me – and that means that I have to fight my demons. Some of these demons I constructed for myself, and some of them were put there – in whole or in part – by you. I want to acknowledge this without malice or expectation.

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